Self-Compassion as a Path to Peace
Many people cringe at the word compassion—let alone self-compassion. We live in a culture that often teaches us the opposite. We're told to “suck it up,” “move on,” and ignore the truth and depth of our pain. If you’ve ever received these messages during a painful time, you know that “sucking it up” doesn’t truly resolve the pain. In fact, these responses can escalate tension, fuel relational conflict, and leave us more wounded than the original hurt.
As we learn and know better, we can try to do better. Self-compassion is the practice of offering ourselves the same kindness and understanding we may have easily given to our children over the years. Compassion might not come easily—and that’s okay. No matter where we are, there’s always room to grow.
Here are three touch points for developing the skill of self-compassion, as outlined by the Mindful Self-Compassion founder and researcher Kristin Neff:
1) Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment
The brain is wired to scan for negative information in our environment. While this survival mechanism once kept us safe, it often harms our mental and emotional well-being. Mindfulness helps us develop awareness of our thoughts. Once we begin noticing our thoughts in real time, we can observe their tone and content. Many are critical, hurtful, or judgmental—often automatic and quick to appear. Be patient with yourself and the process. Practice self-kindness along the way.
“This isn’t how I thought I’d show up—and that’s okay. It’s enough.”
“That was really hard, and I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.” “ “I’m overwhelmed, and I’m allowed to feel this way.”
2) Common Humanity vs. Isolation
It’s common to isolate ourselves when we’re in pain. Many people keep difficult thoughts, feelings, and experiences private. But bottling it all up can deepen our suffering, leaving us feeling alone and wondering, What’s wrong with me? Instead of staying stuck in shame or disconnection, we can shift by recognizing common humanity—the understanding that we’re not alone in our struggles. Others have felt this way too.
“This isn’t how I thought I’d show up—and that’s okay. It’s enough. Everyone is a work in progress.”
“That was really hard, and I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Most people would’ve felt the same way.”
“I’m overwhelmed, and I’m allowed to feel this way. It’s human to feel overwhelmed sometimes.”
3) Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification
Over-identification happens when we believe our thoughts and feelings completely—taking them personally or letting them define who we are. Mindfulness helps by creating space between ourselves and our inner experiences. Rather than becoming our thoughts and emotions, we learn to observe them. This means noticing what’s happening in the mind and body with curiosity and without judgment. From this gentle distance, we begin to ease discomfort and respond with compassion. Over time, this shift softens reactivity and deepens self-understanding.
“This isn’t how I thought I’d show up—and that’s okay. It’s enough. Everyone is a work in progress. I can notice the thought that I should be different without needing to believe it.”
“That was really hard, and I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Most people would’ve felt the same way. I can notice the pain and hold space for it without needing to fix or resist it.”“I’m overwhelmed, and I’m allowed to feel this way. It’s human to feel overwhelmed. I can notice the overwhelm without becoming it—it’s just a moment passing through.”
These concepts are simple—and practicing them can be complex. Be gentle with yourself in the process. It's the small, consistent shifts in thought that lead to bigger changes over time.